http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com Get It | Laughs | PowderRoomGraffiti.com en-us PowderRoomGraffiti.com Wed, 08 Sep 2010 06:23:15 +0000 60 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/weekend-with-a-friend.html


Dear Regular Guy,


My husband and I have been planning a romantic getaway which
is coming up later this month. The problem is my best friend Jessica and her
husband have just split up and I would like to bring her along as she could
really use a weekend away from everything. I am not sure how to broach the
subject with my husband as I am certain he will be against it because she's a
bit of a downer at the moment. Any ideas


Annie





Dear Annie,


This, my innocent friend, is a no brainer. Unless hubby is a
closeted homosexual, not that there's anything wrong with that, he shares a
fantasy with every straight man on this planet. Oh, he'll deny it but trust the
Regular... Read More]]> Thu, 19 Aug 2010 17:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/watching-the-world-cup-football.html
You may or may not have realised, but there
is an international football (known to you as lsquo;soccer') tournament about to
start in South Africa. England is playing the USA on Saturday 12th
June and lots of us here will be in ecstasies of anticipation at the
prospect.


I think the USA is one of the countries
England has actually beaten in an international football tournament at some
point, which makes you members of a rather exclusive club. Therefore, we
are slightly more excited than usual because there is a faint possibility
we may win a game in the World Cup. Football is not as popular in the
US as it is in the UK, so here are a few helpful tips for understanding the
game.


Firstly,... Read More]]> Fri, 11 Jun 2010 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/why-i-dont-eat-grapefruit.html The nice folks at www.xkcd.com,
the creators of this image, are happy to share their funny comics. But be nice and pay them a visit. There's lots more to laugh about on their site. In the meantime, we
love the title of this one: 'Fuck Grapefruit.'




Read More]]> Wed, 28 Apr 2010 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/loathe-thy-neighbour.html
With Noise Awareness Week taking place between April
26th and 30th, now is the perfect time to reflect upon how our
behaviour affects those we live amongst. With excessive noise cited as the most
common cause of disputes between neighbours, I felt compelled to look deeper
into the problem.


There appear to be six basic types of noisy neighbour:


1. The
Insomniac


Wouldn't life be insufferably dull if we were all the
same Fortunately, we all have our little foibles. Like vacuuming. Or drilling
shelves into the wall. And even playing football. Or the bongos. But at 3
o'clock in the morning That is unreasonable behaviour. Living in close
proximity to an inconsiderate insomniac can be hell. Not content with... Read More]]> Mon, 26 Apr 2010 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/bouquet-okay.html
So, you've received a bouquet of flowers.


Aren't you lucky


Once you have lovingly arranged them in your favourite
vase...you can sit and ponder the true meaning of your floral gift. What
message
is the sender trying to convey Is it possible to translate


The symbolism of flowers has been with us since
ancient times. Floriography, (that's what the Victorians called it) is
the
language of flowers.


Because with flowers, different species and colours
say different things. There seems to be a bloom for almost every
occasion. If
you have something to say, but words fail you, let flowers be your
messenger.


For example, if you accidentally sit on and crush
your neighbour's... Read More]]> Tue, 20 Apr 2010 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/heavy-petting.html
Are you a cat or a dog person


Go on. I want a quick answer.


It's a fairly straightforward question. Like asking a
woman if she'd choose milk over dark chocolate. Or a guy if he is a tit or leg
man. A geek if they'd rather stare all day at a PC or an Apple. A North
Londoner if they would cheer Arsenal or Spurs. Opinions will be starkly
divided, deeply entrenched and furiously defended.


I will nail my colours to the mast from the
beginning. Let there be no confusion over my position. I am a cat person.
Always have been, always will be.


That's not to say I don't care for dogs. I do. It's
just that given the choice, if I were in a hot air balloon plummeting towards
earth, I'd jettison a dog before a... Read More]]> Mon, 12 Apr 2010 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/twodaloo.html
Intimacy is a precious and hard-won element in a
relationship. You need to trust your partner implicitly before allowing them
into your most secret, private inner sanctums. It takes time and courage to
lower your defences and let people in to the places in your life where no one else
goes.


Like the bathroom, for example.


Which is why the TwoDaLoo is not for me. I am not entirely sure if there is a
universe in which this product would work for anyone. It is a twin-throne
toilet designed to be used by two people at the same time. In the promotional
guff the TwoDaLoo is described as 'a way of getting closer to your partner.'


I don't have a problem with getting closer to my
partner, but I'd rather it wasn't when he... Read More]]> Mon, 29 Mar 2010 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/you-are-cordially-invited-to-the-wedding-of.html
Read More]]> Mon, 15 Mar 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/what-do-you-do-in-bed.html
Modern beds have become multi-tasking action stations
and it's ruining our health. That's if you believe the current thinking of
lsquo;those in the know.' Sleep
scientists are on a mission to change our nocturnal habits. The medical
profession wants us to start sleeping in separate beds. The miserable killjoys
say it is bad for our health. New guidelines state that shared beds should be
reserved for sexual congress alone. If we want to sleep, we should make our way
to our own bedrooms down the hall. We can still have sex (that's a relief) but
afterwards, we should sleep apart. That way we will be far better rested and a
lot healthier.


It sounds like being a student.


Are we supposed to be surprised when new... Read More]]> Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/driving-miss-crazy.html
You are driving along an empty road at twilight. You
have your main beams on, because out in the countryside, this is when the
animals come out to play. The local boars are thick skinned and solid - they
can really mash up your paintwork.


You are running late. A quick glimpse at the clock
tells you it's nearly eight pm.


Then lsquo;BANG!' Something collides with the front of the
car.


You pull over and sit for a moment, your pulse
racing. Outside there's a noise. Something is dragging itself off into the
undergrowth. You peer out, but it's too dark to see.


After a minute you step out of the car. There is mud
and something else on the front wing...blood. And the tyre is crumpled and... Read More]]> Mon, 01 Mar 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/waiting-on-a-woman.html
I am the first to admit
I get distracted and lose track of time when I need to get ready to go out, but
I am really not as bad as my hubby thinks.


So I thought I'd break
it down for him, just so that he can see
exactly what is involved, and why us girls need longer to get ready.


5:30 pm - T-minus 90 minutes.


I am off and running, and
vault into the shower. Now men seem to be able to jump through the shower in a
few minutes, but women have way more to do in there before a social lsquo;event.'
There's washing, exfoliating face and body, shaving legs, armpits and possibly
unmentionables, then conditioning hair for two minutes - or 30 seconds in my
case.


5:55 pm - T minus 65... Read More]]> Mon, 22 Feb 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/hollywood-hobos.html
Beards.
Love 'em or hate 'em, they are definitely the on-trend facial accessory for men
this season.


It
seems that everywhere you look, fur-faces are peering out from the celebrity
undergrowth. Or should that be overgrowth Whether it be David Beckham, Sting,
Brad Pitt, Joaquim Phoenix, George Clooney - you just can't move for hirsute
he-men.


And
lest you think I'm blowing things out of all proportion, I'm not talking about
prissy little goatees or designer stubble. I mean those full Grizzly Adams
emulating, bush-faced anti-grooming statements.


I am
going to state right from the outset that I am not a fan. Call me
old-fashioned, but I prefer a man to have a smooth, clean-shaven face. It's
just my... Read More]]> Wed, 17 Feb 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/cynicism-and-chips.html
Only a mere seven weeks into 2010 and temptation
rears its ugly head. Remember all those resolutions The unwavering conviction
that by March, it would be possible to see your toes without the use of an
artfully positioned mirror


Don't give in. You can do it! Nibble on a carrot
stick and do another three hundred sit-ups. Attagirl!


Oh, if only I could walk the walk.


If you are managing to stick to your diet and
exercise regime, things should be looking positive right now. Well done!


But even if you have been the model of restraint and
successfully dropped those stubborn pounds...beware. Week seven after Christmas is notorious for its ability to
crush the strongest of wills. This is the time when gym... Read More]]> Mon, 15 Feb 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/stupid-cupid.html
Do you remember receiving your first ever Valentine's
Day card I recall the excitement clearly; the butterflies in my stomach as I
read the poem inside from a mystery admirer...and the devastation once I realised
it wasn't from the athletic sixth former I secretly adored but the wimpy, swot
from chess club.


In our formative years, Valentine's Day can spark a
volatile blend of emotions. Joy and elation mixed with disappointment and
dashed expectations - you want everything to be perfect. And let's face it, it
rarely is.


When you're a tender-teen just starting out on the
rocky road to romance there's an awful lot of hope around, and precious little
experience. But over time, you harden up - you have to. If you knew then,... Read More]]> Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/song-of-the-slovenly-housewife.html
Sung to the tune of 'This Ole House'


This old house has lost its cleaner
She ain't scrubbing things no more
This old house'll have to suffer
Cause she's sick down to her core
Sick of cleaning, mopping, tidying
Till her back and fingers hurt
This old house'll have to get used to
Being a mess and covered in dirt

Ain't gonna clean this house no longer
Ain't gonna scrub this house no more
Can't be arsed to clean the bedrooms
Or the Lego off the floor
Not wasting time now cleaning yoghurt
Off its filthy window panes
Can't be arsed, 'cause in seconds
It'll need cleaning once again

This old house once smelled of polish
This old house once had a shine
But it's all now gone to rat shit
Cause... Read More]]> Thu, 21 Jan 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/eating-your-way-to-orgasm.html
Mojo gone AWOL Does the thought of sex trigger a yawn
and yearning for pyjamas and a good book Is he more likely to leap
enthusiastically astride his golf cart than onto you Bedroom no longer witness
to the seismic sexual tremors of yore More thrilling these days getting a rise
out of a dark chocolate souffleacute;


Don't fret. It happens to us all. What we choose to do
about it, is where we differ. Either we accept defeat and usher in the days of
comfortable complacency and companionable cuddles....or we can fight it, dammit!


There are ways to re-boot your sex drive. The spent,
blackened coals of desire will re-ignite into an inferno of lust with the help
of a few magical ingredients. These foods, once nibbled, will... Read More]]> Mon, 11 Jan 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/you-didnt-did-you.html
It was a
very innocent mistake. My daughter-in-law and I had driven to see her new
house. The realtor wasn't yet there, so I stood outside the car and ....
Sssshhhh!.... smoked a cigarette, because my 10-month-old granddaughter was
inside.


It was
brisk out. I hadn't dressed warmly enough. Once I'd had my nicotine fix, I
decided I would crawl into the backseat with my granddaughter and amuse her
until the realtor arrived.


I tried
to get in the back door. Locked. So I opened the front door and fiddled with
the automatic locks. I heard it click. I shut the front door and again tried to
open the back door. It wouldn't budge. I tried to open the front door. Oops, it
was now locked, too.


My... Read More]]> Mon, 04 Jan 2010 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/christmas-funnies.html Here are some cartoons to tickle your Christmas funny bone. We recommend a large glass of your favourite Christmas tipple to go with them.
]]> Thu, 24 Dec 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/15-reasons-to-cancel-christmas.html
Have
you started tearing your hair out yet Got Relate on speed dial Are you
praying the bank manager won't call in the sexual favours you have promised
Will you deck, with a bough of holly, the next carol singer who knocks at the
door


If you
have a deep-seated loathing of Christmas and all its bah humbuggery (and there
are many that do), here are a few sobering facts to arm yourself with for when
you square up to your family in the great lsquo;Christmas
is cancelled - it's a twelve day bloody nightmare' debate.


1. Broken arms resulting from cracker pulling accidents are
a surprisingly common ticket to the Casualty department of your local hospital.
They're called crackers for a reason, you... Read More]]> Tue, 22 Dec 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/santa-struggles-to-be-politically-correct.html
'Twas the night
before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's
politically correct


His workers no longer would answer to 'Elves,'
'Vertically Challenged' they were calling themselves.


And
labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the
soul.


Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to
the wilds by the Humane Society.


And equal employment had made it quite
clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.


So Dancer and
Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked
stupid!


The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were... Read More]]> Mon, 21 Dec 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/stuffed.html
What shall grace the table come Christmas Day Will trendy
or traditional get your vote


Turkey with all the trimmings is still the number one
choice of many. Since I was a nipper, the landscape in the turkey world has
shifted dramatically. It used to be a once a year treat, an exotic meat, if you
like. A bit like eating ostrich today. Turkey only appeared in the shops around
Christmas time - the rest of the year it was chicken...or chicken.


These days, the bewildering array of turkey-related
options will have you reaching for the smelling salts.


Do you want free-range, organic free-range, barn reared,
farm reared, golden breasted, copper bottomed, Norfolk, Suffolk, corn fed,
spoon fed, self-basting,... Read More]]> Fri, 18 Dec 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/mother-in-law-baiting.html
We all
know how difficult it is to buy the perfect Christmas gift for your
mother-in-law. After all, what do you buy for the woman who hates everything
She for whom nothing is good enough Who has elevated the lsquo;pained sigh and
pursed lips' to an art form Whatever you buy, it will be wrong. Because the
only present that would truly make her happy is to have her little boy back.


But
he's yours. And you plan to keep hold of him. So deal with it, Grandma.


However,
there's still the thorny issue of buying her a gift. Now that you understand
nothing will please her...why not have some fun with it


So here
are some well-considered gift suggestions for irksome mothers-in-law this... Read More]]> Mon, 14 Dec 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/christmas-tree-surgery.html
You
are doing well. Nearly all of the Christmas boxes are ticked:


Turkey
Check.


Cake
Check.


Presents
Check.


Tree Shit!


Nightmare
of nightmares! So little time, and so many trees. There's a forest of styles
out there - it's hard to see the wood for the...er... trees. Who has the time to
research what is available At this time of year


Don't
worry - no need to be stumped. I can sustainably manage your Christmas tree
expectations with a quick overview of the 2009 festive arboreal landscape. Having
whirred through the undergrowth with my digital chainsaw, I have narrowed down
the choices. Crucially, if you make your tree selection based on... Read More]]> Mon, 07 Dec 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/eddies-big-adventure.html
We found this in the New York Post and here is an excerpt from the newspaper describing the photos.


'The story of Eddie's [the hamster] wild ride dates back to 1996, when the District Attorney's office was preparing for the trial of crazed subway bomber Edward Leary. Prosecutors needed a model of a subway train to show jurors just where Leary detonated his explosives.


Architectural engineer Marie Venticinque was enlisted to construct the tiny train car replica.


The model did its job - Leary is a serving 94-year sentence for assault and attempted murder - and ever since has sat on a shelf in the DA's engineering unit.'


Enter Victoria Balenger who is a photographer with DA's office. She saw the train and recognized that it... Read More]]> Tue, 01 Dec 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/what-your-christmas-cards-say-about-you.html
Your
choice of Christmas card sends out subliminal messages about you to the
recipient. Whether you agonise long and hard about a design, or just dash in
and pick the first thing you see on the shelf, you can guarantee that once the
card arrives at its final destination....you will be judged.


To
help you in your Christmas card selection, here's a quick guide to what other
people really think but (don't tell you) about the cards you send.


Handmade cards
fashioned from found objects like pine cones, tree bark, bottle tops, junk:


Opinion is split on
this genre. You are either earthy, sincere and responsible. Or a tight wad.


Glitter-attack cards:


These have desperation and... Read More]]> Mon, 23 Nov 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/axe-murderers-are-they-all-bad.html
Is it ever a good idea to marry an axe murderer
Discuss.


Maybe. Possibly. Erm...


Well, first of all, we all agree that a good man is
hard to find. The four S rule (sexy, sane, solvent and single) remains an
impossible fantasy for the majority of women.


After a while a girl can't help noticing that the best
guys are always married, hair stylists or monks. We don't stand a chance. But
why should we miss out Where will we find that special soul mate


Well, this might sound totally bonkers, but if you are
willing to try something a little different, it could work for you. Try
adjusting your expectations, and men who you would once have considered out of
reach, may now be within range. Are you looking... Read More]]> Mon, 16 Nov 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/funny-food-flags.html Can you name the countries to which these tasty flags belong
See if you can get them all!
]]> Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/whats-that-smell.html
They say that life is a voyage of discovery. What they don't add is
that, like an episode of lsquo;Who do you think you are'
you may end up wondering why you bothered.


Having teenagers has been a revelation. Not because of their behaviour -
they were horrible babies and children, and as a family we're big on consistency,
so no surprises there - but because of mine.


There's my apparent genius for holding entire conversations through
teeth so gritted I've sold them to the government as an emergency road clearing
measure in the event of unexpected snow. (And as all snow is unexpected in the
UK except on Scottish mountains, I expect them to be pressed into service any
day now).


As for bearing grudges, boy, am I... Read More]]> Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/the-chocolate-detective.html
All
morning I have been engaged in various acts of domestic drudgery. The stench of
burning martyr is thick in the air. The only thing that has sustained me during
my grimy enslavement, is the dark delicious promise that awaits in the cake
tin. The very thought of it urges me on. The floor mop passes rapidly over
tiles, the feather duster tickles dirt from dark corners. All the while I am
kept going by the image of that one final slice of chocolate moistness.


Finally,
when I have kicked the crap under the sofas, masked the unsettling odours with
air freshener and dimmed all the lights - I am ready to flop down. But first, into
the kitchen to brew some tea and collect my lsquo;good girl drop.'


And
this is where it... Read More]]> Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/what-does-the-inside-of-your-car-say-about-you.html


What does the interior of your car say about you


Is it a pristine palace on wheels or a mobile toxic
waste dump shunned by even the most desperate hitch-hiker


We spend so much
time in our cars these days, that they become extensions of our own
personalities. We customise them, mould them to our own tastes, bend them
(sometimes literally) to our will. But how do the choices we take and the
changes we make translate to other road-users What are we really saying And
are we sending out the right messages


Here's a rough guide to what the interior of your car
says to other people:


You have one of those tree-shaped air-fresheners swinging from the
rearview mirror:


Either you... Read More]]> Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/guys-if-you-want-to-get-laid-make-us-laugh.html
There is a
secret to charming women into bed. A skill to loosening bra straps and
inhibitions. A technique which drives normally sensible women to take risks.
What is more enduring than a man's rippling six pack More effective than the
tightest set of buns This secret weapon, if deployed correctly, gives men
direct, unimpeded access into the underwear of the female of the species.


A man lucky
enough to possess this magical element will find the process of wooing women
far less traumatic than his more modestly endowed contemporaries.


It's called
a lsquo;sense of humour.' Never mind hoo-ha stimulation, if you can massage her
funny bone in just the right way, she'll be begging you for more.


So, guys.... Read More]]> Tue, 15 Sep 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/pathetic-conspiracies.html
I'm
feeling curmudgeonly today. Like one of those grumpy old men. But female,
obviously. I'm trying to stop myself, but I might not be able. Please forgive
me if I go off on one. Leave now, while you still can. Rant alert is critical.


Too
late.


Why is
it that replacement brush heads for electric toothbrushes are so jaw-droppingly
(natch) expensive They cost almost as much as the flipping toothbrush. It
would be cheaper to find an obliging horse to kick my teeth out, than to engage
in some long-running, abusive, brushheads-for-money scandal with the local
toothbrush mart. Built in obsolescence. Gah!


And
seeds. What is it with seeds Why do they always put thousands of the bloody
things into the... Read More]]> Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/cheap-tricks.html
Checking my bank balance these days is something of an
ordeal. But, there is comfort in knowing I am not alone. The global financial
crisis has impacted on just about everyone in some way or another, in varying
degrees. Hooray! We're all in the shit together! How great does that make you
feel


One of the few advantages of being a member of the
perma-skint pack, is that wild fluctuations in world economics don't affect me
so much. It makes sense that if you have nothing to lose, you have less to
worry about. No need to stress over my stocks plummeting or unscrupulous
bankers vanishing with my millions. Now how is that for an object lesson in
positive thinking I have always been a lsquo;glass half full' kind of... Read More]]> Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/phobia-fun.html
The challenges of parenthood are
many and varied. In the Greene household, we are currently struggling with a
six year old boy's insect phobia. Or if you want the technical term, Entomophobia.


Around here, avoiding insects is
a tough ask.


Where are we In the
countryside.


When are we The height of
summer.


What surrounds us Insects.


So, therein lies the problem.
Short of keeping the poor lad in a bubble for the entire duration of the summer
holiday, we are going to have to roll up our sleeves and newspapers and thwack
our way out of this buzzing, hairy-legged little crisis.


Being poorly equipped on the
parenting skills front, and living a long way from my mother and... Read More]]> Mon, 17 Aug 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/abbott-costello-shopping-for-a-computer.html
For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...


If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First' might have turned out something like this:


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT


ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you


COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.


ABBOTT: Mac


COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.


ABBOTT: Your computer


COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.


ABBOTT: Mac


COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.


ABBOTT: What about Windows


COSTELLO: Why... Read More]]> Mon, 03 Aug 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/when-i-am-thin.html

When I Am Thin





When I am thin I shall wear anything I choose


And no one will laugh, or point, or snigger.


I will strut around in feathers and little else


And be considered ahead of my time.





When I am thin I will never hear those cajoling words


'You just need to tone up.'


Instead I will go to the gym


In something tiny.





When I am thin I will walk into any shop,


Any shop! And announce (loudly)


lsquo;One of those, those, those. Size eight.'


And wink at the thin shop-girl, partners in crime.





When I am... Read More]]> Mon, 20 Jul 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/mango-juicer.html Any woman who introduces herself as 'The Vagina Doctor' has got to be a force to be reckoned with. Watch this video to find out why. If you want to comment on this video, please do so here.
Read More]]> Mon, 13 Jul 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/flying-lessons.html
Travelling with kids can test the patience of a saint. Air travel with kids is perhaps even beyond the limits of the beatified. I am a mother. I love children. But I am aware they are capable of wilful, unpredictable, manipulative and anarchic behaviour. And it seems the combination of a confined space, captive audience and reduced oxygen supply piques the child's appetite for rebellion at thirty-five thousand feet.


I am lucky, I only have one sprog to consider, so fighting with himself isn't an option - not unless he's really bored. Pity those parents who travel with multiples.


Unfortunately, it is not generally considered acceptable to check travelling children into the hold as excess baggage, or sedate them in the same way as you do pets, so here are a... Read More]]> Sun, 12 Jul 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/get-me-the-producer.html
wa8rnefzkg


1. The Constant Gardener


This film is about my dad. It involves a shed, a lot of pottering, possibly some tweed trousers and a fool-proof plan for watering the lawn during a hosepipe ban. The action centres on dummy runs of the Hosepipe Ban Plan. Cling to the edge of your seat as he attempts to outwit the hosepipe police (whom you never see, but the local news always assures you are there). There's a funny scene where he loses the little stick he needs to stir paint, and one where the cat gets red paint in his ear, fooling everyone into thinking he has a brain tumour that has burst. I kid you not.


2. Twenty Eight Days Later


My mother stars here as Neurotic Woman 1. It is set in the... Read More]]> Mon, 06 Jul 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/french-revolutions.html
The Tour de France. Will I be watching


Don't be ridiculous.


It's three weeks of total mayhem. It's the world's most insane race. It's hundreds of fiercely competitive men. On bicycles.


This year the race starts on the 4th July in Monaco (you know, that scruffy, dreary little place near Nice) and finishes on the Champs Elyseacute;es in Paris. By that time, 3,500 kilometres later, I should think they'll be ready for a nice cup of tea and a good sit down. Well, perhaps not a sit down.


But, here are the really important bicycleogical questions that need answering:


lsquo;What do they do if they're busting for the toilet'


For some reason, I always suspected cyclists might have had a thigh-strapped... Read More]]> Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/other-mothers.html Other Mothers look together and organised. They turn up to school/parties/tea with permission slips/birthday presents/a neat child, on time.


Other Mothers look like they know what they're doing. Even that first time mum pushing her three week old looks more like she knows what she's doing than me.


Other Mothers talk to teachers like they are friends, or at least their equals, not as if they are about to be told off for scruffy shoes.


Other Mothers remember school trips; they even go on them with neat packages of sandwiches and cartons of Ribena that don't leak.


Other Mothers have clean houses, a small ironing pile and cake (homemade) ready to serve should anyone pop round.


Other Mothers have matching mugs which... Read More]]> Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/cassetteboys-thoughts-on-sir-alan-sugar.html CassetteBoy has some funny stuff up on YouTube and this ranks up there with the best of them.
Read More]]> Tue, 09 Jun 2009 04:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/sexy-single-video.html One single gal, lactating moms and an obvious clash of life stages makes for a very funny video. This was put together by some screenwriters and actresses in L.A. and is very real, if not camped up just a bit.
Read More]]> Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:01:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/growing-old-disgracefully.html Who would want to grow old I mean, really We live in a society obsessed by youth, and where a childishly unlined face is considered so aspirational that many consider it worth injecting themselves with all sorts of scary chemicals to paralyse muscles and hopefully remove their wrinkles. (The clue's in the name, by the way; Botox:Botulism. Just in case you hadn't picked up on the link...). Others are so focused on maintaining a youthful physique that they'll undergo the risk of a general anaesthetic and radical surgery to do so.


Are we crazy We must be, surely, to do this willingly to ourselves. And whilst I would love to be so at ease with myself and the ageing process that I welcome each new wrinkle, I'm only human. I don't want to get old either.


But... Read More]]> Sat, 23 May 2009 11:02:00 +0000 http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/get-it/bruno-gives-eminem-a-facefull.html
So Bruno, one of Sasha Baron Cohen's (of Borat fame) characters made a surprise visit to the MTV Video Music awards last night. He, of course, was sporting a thong and landed in the lap of Eminem, one of the most homophobic of rappers out there (almost a redundant combination - homophobe and rapper).


Anyway, Eminem, got up and stormed out. Not sure I wouldn't have done the same if I had that hairy ass in my face but I like to think that I have a sense of humor. Apparently Mamp;M, I mean Eminem, does not.


See the full story here.


This event gave our UK Staff a feeling of deja vu and they thought that maybe they had seen something like this before. But surely Baron Cohen, the most cutting edge comedian of our time, didn't rip this bit off.... Read More]]> Tue, 19 May 2009 16:01:00 +0000