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Sorry, But I'm Not a 'Twilight' Fan

Sorry, But I'm Not a 'Twilight' Fan

Over-dramatic teenagers

by Lisa H. (Tue Nov 10, 2009)

Brace yourselves 'Twilight' fans, I'm about to blow your mind.

Not every woman is ready to gush and fall all over the 'Twilight' books or movies.

Not every woman thinks Robert Pattinson is ‘dreamy.' In fact, some women, like this one, think he needs a shower and a haircut. This woman also thinks he needs to stop sucking in his cheeks and pushing out his lips. It's like when kids cross their eyes and their mother says, ‘If you keep doing that your face is going to get stuck like that.' Apparently Robert didn't listen to his mother. I'm not sure I've ever seen him smile without looking like he died two years ago.

'Twilight' fans, be aware: some women couldn't care less about whiny, horny, vampire teenagers.

I know. I know. I speak blasphemy. How could a woman not be thrown head over heels in love with extremely pale, brooding adolescents? Well, there are some women who can resist the temptation, trust me. To be honest, I'm embarrassed when I see grown women morph into giddy young girls over the bare chest of a 17-year-old actor. I'm embarrassed for them. Do they know how absolutely ridiculous they look and sound?

It's one thing to have a little fun, but some 'Twilight' fans seem to have forgotten that they are way past puberty and actually graduated high school a good number of years ago. There are websites full of older women who blog away about these teenage boys as if they are the sexiest creatures on earth. I'm not saying women of a certain age can't have fun, or can't recapture their youth from time to time. But wearing T-shirts with the image of a boy half your age emblazoned across your chest - your chest, I might add, that may be taking a trip toward your knees, or at least your waist? That, my dears, is pushing it. Maybe I'm just not cool, but give me a sexy 40 to 50-year-old any day over a man who can't even grow chest hair. Move over Robert and come on in Harrison Ford, Russell Crowe, or Daniel Craig. And while you're in here, take off your shirt.

Ladies, I want a real man who goes after what he wants; who has crows' feet at the corners of his eyes, unmanicured hands, hair rarely touched by a stylist, and who oozes testosterone. I don't want a man who postures and pouts and broods his way through life, sighs a lot and uses so much product on his hair he'd set himself on fire the moment he lit a cigarette.

I suppose you are wondering if I have read the books or watched the movies. You are wondering if I have any grounds to declare my hatred for the franchise that is based on hot and heavy teenager vampire love.

No, I haven't read the books. I haven't seen the movies. And *gasp* I don't intend to.

The books, the movie, they frighten me.  Not because I am afraid of vampires, but because I am afraid of whiny teenagers who pose sensually before darkened trees.

One day, before I know it, I will have to cope with my own over-dramatic teenager so I don't intend on dealing with them a moment before then.

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Sprite's Keeper
Posted Mon Nov 16, 2009 at 2:58 am Reply Delete
You gave me a real giggle! I read the books, trying to figure out the craze. I never quite got the grasp of it. And you're right about R. Pat. He needs a haircut. :-)Report Abuse
Posted Mon Nov 16, 2009 at 1:53 am Reply Delete
I couldn't agree more, I find myself surrounded by female teachers in the 20-45 age range at work, who rave about these books and movies. Personally I have no interest in them at all!Report Abuse
Lisa H.
Posted Fri Nov 13, 2009 at 1:03 am Reply Delete
Having teenagers like it is one thing, but the women who are the mothers of these teenagers swooning too? Please!Report Abuse
Posted Thu Nov 12, 2009 at 11:39 pm Reply Delete
It is quite a relief that my 16 yr old daughter is so anti-Twilight. Actually, she is annoyingly anti-Twilight, because she gives her 14 yr old sister a hard time for reading the books, but at least she doesn't gush either. And you're right, I don't understand why women are going gooey over a teenage boy. It's really rather.. odd...Report Abuse
Posted Tue Nov 10, 2009 at 4:53 pm Reply Delete
As a writer of teen novels, I read the book for research. Lusting after the vampires was not my thing. But I do love Bill on True Blood.Report Abuse
jo
Posted Tue Nov 10, 2009 at 1:45 pm Reply Delete
Amen sister. Thank the good Lord someone has said it. I find the obsession among some women downright creepy.Report Abuse
Posted Tue Nov 10, 2009 at 12:10 pm Reply Delete
Absolutely! Find the whole business SO irritating. As if teenagers in the Real World weren't (occasionally) irksome enough who on earth thought tearing their shirts and extending their teeth would help. And, no, not seen, won't seen. Pah.Report Abuse
Sheila
Posted Tue Nov 10, 2009 at 11:07 am Reply Delete
I have a 14 year old daughter who adores 'RPattz' as she calls him. I can see why she likes him - but I agree - it would make me cringe to think I was openly lusting after the same boy as her.Report Abuse

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