by Mya Greene (Tue Dec 08, 2009)
It's
Christmas...so it must be pantomime time.
What's
that you say? Oh no it isn't?
Oh
yes it is!
The
tickets are already booked. This year the Greene family will be attending a
performance of 'Beauty and the Beast.' I am probably more excited about the
panto than anything else we plan to do over Christmas. There is no law against
forty-plus women enjoying a kid's spectacular...in fact it is one of the rules of
panto that adults attend. If they didn't, all the sexual innuendo and double entendres would go to waste. And
we couldn't have that, could we boys and girls?
Last
year we saw 'Aladdin.' And it was so much fun. By the time we left the
theatre I was virtually hoarse from shouting. As is the convention in panto,
the audience was expected to participate with gusto. Perhaps my thunderous boos
and blood curdling screams of ‘He's behind you!' carried a little more
edge than the softer cries of your average six year old....but blimey it felt
good. When I walked out of that show onto the icy city streets, I hadn't felt
as stress-free and light of heart in years - it was just the therapy I'd
needed.
As
it was the first panto my son had been to (he is schooled in France) I felt it
my motherly duty to show him the ropes. At first, as I railed and yelled like a
loon in response to the performer's cues, he stared at me in horror. But
gradually, as the atmosphere in the auditorium reached fever pitch, he shrugged
off his British reserve and began to holler like a banshee along with the rest
of them. There is no sound quite as piercing as the shrill cries of five hundred
over-E-numbered, excitable children. I will definitely be popping some
ear-defenders in my pocket this year.
Most
Brits of my generation know what to expect from a pantomime performance. But
what if you've never seen one before?
Well,
despite the name, it has nothing to do with mime. You will be familiar with the
plots from your children's fairy tale books. All the well-trodden stories get
the treatment from 'Jack and the Beanstalk' to 'Cinderella' through to 'Babes
in the Wood' and 'Mother Goose.' A good panto should deliver a high proportion
of song and dance routines, lots of slapstick comedy, cross-dressing, colourful
costumes, audience participation, sometimes a soap star or Z-list sleb ....sometimes
even a top-notch thesp. Who could forget Sir Ian McKellen's sublime Widow
Twankey in 2004?
In
pantomime, goodies and baddies are very clearly defined - I think this is why
kids love it so much. It is very uncomplicated. The vile villains dress in dark
colours and are accompanied by chilling music and shadowy lighting....whereas the
goodies get the colourful, sparkly costumes and tinkly pianos. There can be
areas of confusion, though. My son was a little unsettled by the profusion of
chest hair sprouting from the dress of the pantomime dame. And the 'principal
boy' was clearly nothing of the sort.
But
compared to a lot of the more sophisticated fare on offer to children these
days, pantos seem rather innocent. And I like that. Very much.
One
thing I did learn on my visit last year, is that they are far from
unsophisticated when it comes to squeezing every last penny out of unguarded
parents. No opportunity is missed to extort money. Whether it's the glossy
programme, the chillingly priced ice-creams or the 'Mummy, I must have' day-glo
light sabres or technicolour windmills to wave about when the curtain goes up.
Fore-warned
is fore-armed, as they say. This year, when I am fixed by the imploring eyes of
Master Greene as he pleads for some over-priced, slave-made junk endorsed by
'Messrs Beauty and Beast Inc.', I shall tell him, 'No. It's too expensive.'
And
he will reply 'Oh no it isn't.'
And
we shall be off again, on the happy cycle.
