Genius Is Relative

Supertemp

I'm no genius, not by a long shot. Even in cases where I'd like to be, and perhaps should be, my poor memory works against me. But in some matters, being viewed as the resident genius is purely relative.

I work temp jobs, which means I go from office to office filling in for employees who are out sick or on vacation. Presumably they've kept their jobs for all those years based on a modicum of skill, but when I come in with only one motive in mind - do my (simple) job, get my paycheck, and move on - I am made to feel like the Einstein of the business world.

When I answer a five-line switchboard without breaking a sweat, I often have co-workers stop at my desk and stare like the Cirque du Soleil has just come to town. When I do a ‘day's worth' of filing in three hours my supervisor double checks and then seems amazed that I know the alphabet by heart. When I figure out not only how to copy a stack of double-sided documents but collate and staple them on color-coded paper, word gets around that I am the Xerox Whisperer.

I'm always surprised at how quick to call the IT department most people are: for printing errors, paper jams and the inability to make phone calls. ‘Let me take a look,' I offer and then simply connect to the correct printer, yank out the rumpled paper, and get on my hands and knees to plug in the inadvertently kicked loose phone line. The IT guys always give me the stink eye and I realize: I am dangerously close to blowing their cover and thus their job security. If most people knew more than how to turn their computers on and off, those guys would be out of a job.

And I am constantly being told that I am too fast, too efficient, and make the regular receptionist/office manager/executive assistant look like Forrest Gump. In fact, I've been offered (and on one occasion begged to take) some of these jobs, or even new positions that would be created for me, but I've always turned them down. I tell them that I am a free spirit, a clerical hippie, and I prefer the variety and flexibility of temping. While this is certainly all true, I also cannot help but fear that once I settled into the job, they would see me for the technological simpleton that I am. The last time I held a regular office job I managed to accidentally shut down the entire computer system for two days, causing my colleagues to miss deadlines, write reports by hand and neglect their computer Solitaire. After that I couldn't pick up a stapler without the IT guy hovering over me.

So I figure as long as I swoop in and out on a temporary basis, I will never resort to being the tiresome and unskilled receptionist/office manager/executive assistant whom they can't wait to replace. I enjoy my image of Office Genius, arriving in the nick of time to save the paper tray, while keeping my real identity, that of bumbling, glasses-wearing Jane Average, quite separate.