by Lady Macleod (Mon Sep 21, 2009)
I am recently married, smashing all
statistics for a woman my age - so huzzah for us. At 59-years of age women
supposedly can't throw a boulder the size of London and hit an available,
straight, working, handsome, sexy, male who looks at us with both love and lust
for anything other than our hefty bank balance. I won the jackpot. We were in
love 34 years ago and he told me to go away. I did, and had many adventures. He
came back into my life in August 2008 after the dissolvere of a twenty-year marriage. We had the wedding 6 June
2009.
Along with my husband and his two
teenage children, whom I already love, there was a surprise package - a
steely-eyed, prune-faced (more attitude than physical), short blonde with an
unwavering line of sight on the financial coup she was able to pull off during my
husband's period of grief over losing what was his ideal of a marriage (not
what he had mind you, but like so
many of us, what he wanted it to
be). Enter the (insert music from Count
Dracula) ex-wife!
The maintenance agreement my
husband made was so one-sided his own lawyer told him he was nuts and begged
him not to sign; but his intent was so strong to protect his children that he
could not see anything else. It's difficult to be annoyed with such a man.
Now, let us be clear. I have been a
widow, and I have been a divorced woman. I paid my own way in both cases - one
with a man who had gobs of money; and one who would not contribute a cent to
our child's education or care. So I have been on both sides of this drama.
I was so in love and so amazed that
this renewed romance had happened to me that yes, I heard ‘two children' which
I thought was grand, but I never even considered that the ex-wife would be part
of our marriage. So that makes me - dumb,
naive, not prepared...you call it. I'd never had an ex-wife before.
Upon our first long meeting (at my
request) the ex-wife expressed her desire for us to be ‘a unit,' a ‘threesome'
if you will - to ‘present a united face to the world.' Subtext: I want to remain Mrs. Dr. H., keep
the bulk of the money, the big house, and my social standing as the wife, but I
would like for you to take over the care of my children and my ex-husband,
except when I need to trot them out for show. Oh and ‘would you take the cats?' I swear to you that is a direct quote.
Oh yes that will work - not. I
nodded my head and kept listening. I learned a great deal that day. This is a
woman who dons the role of victim, and manipulates people as well as Itzhak Perlman strokes his violin. You have to
acknowledge talent when you see it.
‘I just want everyone to be happy, even
him.' There's a telling statement don't you think?
Yes, I object to the fact that she
took this very dear man, whom I love, to the financial and emotional cleaners;
but I tell you truly that I feel embarrassed as a fellow woman, that this fully
capable, healthy woman who holds a law degree is not presently, nor planning in
the future, to contribute to her children's education or upkeep.
I have made it clear over the past
months to our ex-wife that, ‘There's
a new sheriff in town' and she would be communicating with me. After a month,
her head exploded.
It is my view that since my husband
is the one supporting everyone, his
schedule and what works for him comes first. Did I mention he functions as a
full time father? Last week she ambushed (really no other word for it) him as
he came to pick up his son and said, ‘I can't talk to her (that would be me, I
say with a little curtsy) anymore. This isn't working for me.' Well, duh.
I'm only interested in two people being in this marriage and I'm working on that. But
really a crystal vase would have been so much nicer.
