by Mya Greene (Mon Dec 14, 2009)
We all
know how difficult it is to buy the perfect Christmas gift for your
mother-in-law. After all, what do you buy for the woman who hates everything?
She for whom nothing is good enough? Who has elevated the ‘pained sigh and
pursed lips' to an art form? Whatever you buy, it will be wrong. Because the
only present that would truly make her happy is to have her little boy back.
But
he's yours. And you plan to keep hold of him. So deal with it, Grandma.
However,
there's still the thorny issue of buying her a gift. Now that you understand
nothing will please her...why not have some fun with it?
So here
are some well-considered gift suggestions for irksome mothers-in-law this Christmas.
1. Sod
the annual seaside visit to Cromer - she's off to Pyongyang for her hols with a
one-way plane ticket to North Korea!
2. The Sudoku Cookbook. That should keep her quiet for a
good while.
3. A shaving brush.
4. A cow in an African village - named after her.
5. A doormat bearing the warning ‘Abandon hope all ye who
enter here!'
6. Pamper her with a Spa Day. What old dear wouldn't love
a day in her local branch of Spar?
7. A Dignitas gift token.
8. An embroidered cushion bearing the timeless message
‘Crone Sweet Crone.'
9. A mink-lined, diamond-encrusted muzzle.
10. A book of spells against heartless daughters-in-law.
So there you go. Ten thrilling gift ideas designed to fire
up the old dragon this Christmas. It is, after all, a time for showing how much
you care.
