by Mya Greene (Mon Feb 15, 2010)
Only a mere seven weeks into 2010 and temptation
rears its ugly head. Remember all those resolutions? The unwavering conviction
that by March, it would be possible to see your toes without the use of an
artfully positioned mirror?
Don't give in. You can do it! Nibble on a carrot
stick and do another three hundred sit-ups. Attagirl!
Oh, if only I could walk the walk.
If you are managing to stick to your diet and
exercise regime, things should be looking positive right now. Well done!
But even if you have been the model of restraint and
successfully dropped those stubborn pounds...beware. Week seven after Christmas is notorious for its ability to
crush the strongest of wills. This is the time when gym attendance numbers
start to fall and nearly new tracksuits can be picked up for a pittance on eBay.
If your diamond-hard resolve is beginning to soften,
if your grip is loosening on your shaved-turkey wrap...Watch out! There are temptations about. If squeezing into a pair of
Kylie nano-pants by June is your plan...there's only one thing you have to do:
Keep your eyes on the goal. Do not be deflected from your mission. Focus.
Focus. Focus.
And if you live in the United Kingdom, don't whatever you do, listen to the radio,
read the papers or go on the Internet (apart from PowderRoomGraffiti, of
course) between the 15th and 21st February.
Why?
Really...you don't want to know. Ignorance is bliss,
and a more svelte silhouette.
Oh all right then...but don't say I didn't warn you.
During the 15th - 21st February
2010, Britain will be celebrating the chip.
I cannot believe the scheduling of National Chip Week
is an innocent mistake. Those cynical marketing monkeys at the absurdly
entitled Potato Council have done their research. This over-starched
organisation knows their orgiastic week of chip-related dissemination coincides
with the most difficult days on the calendar for dieters. They are clearly
hoping to cash in on the collective carb-cravings of a million, miserable,
post-Christmas calorie crunchers.
Don't let them win! Step away from the chip butty!
Now, don't get me wrong, I love chips. Chips, frites,
fries - whatever you like to call them. On their own, or with mayo, ketchup, or
fish or...well, anything really. Chips are delicious. Everybody loves chips,
don't they? How could you not like chips?
Equally, everybody knows that anything deep-fried is
not going to be that healthy for them, or low in calories. Don't they?
Marketing chips is a bit like marketing chocolate or
cakes, or new-born babies (although I couldn't eat a whole one). We don't need
to be told they are gorgeous. They just are.
But we know we can't keep having more and more and more...without facing dire
consequences. I spend much of my time trying to forget the existence of bloody
chips. As far as I'm concerned, it's a full-time occupation not eating chips.
So back off, Potato Council, OK? We know about chips.
They are well and truly on our radar. If it is your mission to try and
encourage chip-eating as part of a balanced diet, I fear you are deluded. Does
celery traditionally accompany chips? Are chips regularly shovelled onto a
plate piled high with lettuce? What exactly would you suggest eating with a
plateful of chips in order to balance the dietary books? A fresh air sandwich?
Deep-fried, battered fish, burgers, kebabs, southern
fried chicken...all natural bedfellows of chips. All containing high amounts of
saturated fats. If you encourage the consumption of chips, you encourage the
consumption of their equally unhealthy co-stars.
That we are familiar with the chip is a given. When
it comes to delicious julienne of tuberous vegetal matter, we are an
enlightened population. We just don't like what they do to our arses or
arteries. And so we try and indulge in a little sensible moderation. Take some
wise counsel, oh Potato Council. Bugger off and spend your marketing millions
on something more useful. Like renewable potato energy. Or a ‘Potatoes for
World Peace' campaign.
And here endeth my rant. Stick that in your butty and
chew on it.
