Time was when sprucing up your vagina before a hot date was a case of a quick trim with a pair of nail scissors or giving it a dye job so that collars and cuffs matched. But not any more. The Designer Vagina has evolved to make asymmetrical labia everywhere hang their heads in shame. From labioplasty surgery to the hoodectomy (snipping bits off the clitoral hood), no surgery is too ridiculous for the fashionable vagina about town.
The porn movie trend of shaving women's vaginas meant that suddenly we could see them in all their glory and start comparing our real life genitals - and finding them wanting. While most of us didn't give a hoot, it caused other more insecure souls to decide that if a nip and tuck above the waist was not enough, a surgeon might as well venture further south and tidy up whatever was lacking down there with his scalpel. Thus the Designer Vagina was born. As sleek and polished as a red Ferrari, it had no time for imperfections or droopy bits.
The reasons for vaginal surgery are many and varied. Some women think their labia look ugly or are bothered by their asymmetry. They may have partners who find this displeasing, and consequently they are prepared to go under the knife. Others simply want a ‘fresher' looking vagina and believe that a quick trim will turn back time.
Labioplasty involves ‘reshaping' of the labia minora to get a sleek new symmetrical Designer Vagina. And for those who aren't happy with just reshaping their vaginal lips, wait, there's more! Why not upgrade to a hoodectomy which involves reducing the clitoral hood to maintain symmetry, and (apparently) to increase the sexual sensitivity of the clitoris.
And last but by no means least, there is vaginoplasty - a procedure to tighten the vaginal walls. Now I'm not saying that after giving birth you might not need this but I would hate to think there are some people doing this just to be able to shoot ping pong balls across the room, like in a Thai sex show.
It's also pretty expensive. A hoodectomy will set you back $2,000 - $3000 and a labioplasty $3,000 - $4,000, while the Rolls Royce of sexual surgery, the vaginoplasty will break the bank at $4,500 - $8,500. Ouch.
Yes, some women do report either an increase in their self confidence or greater sexual satisfaction after the surgery - while others don't. The risks involved are the same as for any surgery but there is a bigger question: Is this the idea of female perfection being taken to the ultimate extreme?
Let's just call a spade a spade for a moment. Vaginas aren't meant to look like sleek red Ferraris, they're meant to be irregular, and come in a wide variety of shapes, some of them asymmetrical. They should basically look organic, like an oyster or a mussel. The idea of women changing their vaginal aesthetics is daft not to mention a tad worrying.
So no, I am not going to shell out for a Designer Vagina. Personally I'd rather spend the money on a holiday or some new shoes. And if my partner didn't like the look of my vagina then it would definitely be time to trade him in for a better model!
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