by Clare Taylor (Wed Dec 09, 2009)
When I first heard of Skype as a new method of communicating
with far-flung friends and family I have to admit I was a little suspicious. Making
calls through the computer, rather than via - it sounds so old-fashioned now - a
telephone? Paying a fraction of the usual cost, even when calling the other
side of the world? Paying, in fact, nothing, if the person you are calling is
also hooked up to the Skype system on their computer? It's too good to be true,
surely. It couldn't possibly be that cheap, or indeed, that easy.
But, dear reader, it is
that cheap, and it is that easy. It's
a revolution in communication, in much the same way as e-mail was vs snail
mail, or the mobile phone was vs the landline. In fact, with today's wireless
networks (always assuming you're not paying through the nose for your connection,
that is) it's a godsend. Why, when I visited Australia last year it was
cheaper to call the UK on Skype for ten minutes than it was to send a text. Cheaper,
in fact, than sending a postcard - by around 200%. If that's not progress, I
don't know what is.
There are drawbacks, of course. Occasional crappy
connections. Having everyone who's got you in their Skype address book knowing
that you're online and theoretically available to take their call. And, perhaps
most importantly, that bloody video call option.
Now, I don't know about you but I treasure my privacy. Who
hasn't taken a call and chosen not to
share with their boss / family / significant other that they are still in their
dressing gown at 11am, for example? So when you connect with said caller and
they ask testily why you haven't turned on your video camera for them to see
you, what's the etiquette for that?
You could always, of course, use the self-deprecating excuse.
‘I'm hung over, I look like shit, I'm having a bad hair day, and the biggest
eruption since Vesuvius decimated Pompeii is happening on my nose.' Of course,
using that one runs the risk that they may insist on seeing you anyway simply
so they can feel better about themselves.
(What? You haven't done that?)
Or, you could go for the ‘transference of blame technique,'
as in ‘I would love to but (substitute partner's name) took the camera to work
so he could speak to the children whilst he was away, and then left it on the
plane along with his BlackBerry charger and Bose headphones.' Again - anyone in our circle of friends and
acquaintances would know that this not only could happen, but actually has.
Frequently. Not that I'm bothered about it, or anything.
You could just go straight for the jugular and tell the
truth. ‘Look, don't take this the wrong way, but our relationship works so much
better when I don't actually have to see you when we're talking. Then I can be doing other stuff whilst saying
‘yes,' ‘no' and ‘mmhmmm' every now and again so you think I'm paying attention,
when I'm actually doing the crossword and writing my shopping list.'
I'm not sure why, but that one puts me in mind of Jack
Nicholson in ‘A Few Good Men' when he says ‘You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!' So maybe not.
But if you really want Skype without the video call option,
perhaps it's best to just scare callers off. ‘I've got the Ladies' Circle round right now and we're practicing our
Christmas show - Calendar Girls - so if
you don't mind I'll leave the camera off for the moment. Gladys is a bit
embarrassed about her kitten tattoo, if you see what I mean...'
